I was sitting here pondering some of the things it would actually require of me to be a modern-day Conservative, so I decided to jot down a few of them. There will definitely be more of these to come.
Requirements of a Modern-day Conservative
- First and foremost, I have to believe Ronald Wilson Reagan was the greatest President of all time despite his racially divisive nature, involvement in Iran-Contra and his in-office approval ratings being below those of President Bill Clinton’s.
- I must claim to be impartial on issues of race despite the fact that Conservatives have opposed virtually every form of civil and voting rights for minorities in this nation’s history.
- I must agree with but never acknowledge the existence of a “Southern Strategy” which is a plan rooted in pursuing whites that became disgruntled after the passage of the Voter’s and Civil Rights Acts of the 1960s.
- I must never take a historical look at the Democratic and Republican Parties and recognize the shift of racist Southern Democrats, like the Dixiecrats, to the Republican Party that transpired during the 1960s and beyond.
- I must profess to be Pro-life(excellent position) but oppose any act which would help a living soul in need once they are born.
- I must proclaim Christian values(excellent position) but oppose programs that aim to help those Christians are mandated to help like the poor, elderly, incarcerated, disabled, etc. I must also downplay moral failings of other Conservatives while highlighting the failures of Democrats and Liberals.
- Despite having elected only 1 African American Senator in 1967, Edward Brooke of Massachusetts and 3 African American Representatives, Oscar De Priest of Illinois in 1929, Gary Franks of Connecticut in 1991 and J.C. Watts of Oklahoma in 1995 compared to 2 African American Senators, Carol Moseley Braun in 1993, Barack Obama, 2005 of Illinois , nearly 90 African American Representatives and most recently the first African American President of the United States, I must claim that the Democratic Party attempts to hold minorities back. 4 nationally elected African Americans for the GOP and over 90 nationally elected African Americans and a President for the Democratic Party is pretty clear, isn’t it?
- I must convince myself that George W. Bush was articulate and conveyed his messages well while President Obama is really an idiot that can not speak without a teleprompter.
- Despite ever claim being disproven, including weapons of mass destruction, I must remain convinced that Bush/Cheney were truthful about the reasons the United States invaded Iraq.
- When it comes to matters of patriotism, I must rely on the judgement of individuals that literally got multiple deferments to avoid military service over Democratic veterans who actually served. Individuals such as Rush Limbaugh, and “super chicken-hawk” Dick Cheney who are big war advocates, but whom both sat it out when they had an opportunity to fight.
- Despite the fact that the deadliest terrorist attacks occurred under Republican administrations, Marine barracks in Beirut under Reagan(299 Servicemen killed) and 9/11 under George W. Bush(2,974 deaths), I must buy into the notion that we are more safe during Conservative administrations.
- To the best of my ability, I must convince myself that the United States’ history of racial problems and issues with minorities is pale in comparison to the threat of discrimination from minorities toward whites.
- I must ignore the constant drumbeat from conservative talk radio host like Rush Limbaugh that fan racial animosity between whites and minorities. On top of that, I must pretend the mountain of recorded racist statements by said conservative talk radio host do not exist, are always taken out of context or are just jokes.
- I must believe that former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin has a shot at being the next President of the United States. In order to get that far, I must never associate any answers she gives with the particular question that she was asked. Whatever she wants to say is always more important than the question that she was question she was asked anyway.
- I must take my ques from radio talk show host who never venture beyond the confines of a supportive audience. I must also expect my elected officials to be afraid to speak against positions held by the major talk-show hosts. In the event that they mistakenly speak out against them, I must require them to issue an apology within 24 hours.
- I must believe that Obama is not a United States citizen despite him being born in Hawaii which was announced in the local paper and for which a birth certificate is on file and whose mother was an American citizen.
- I have to totally convince myself that Sean Hannity is telling the truth about things he talks about even when he leaves out all of the details that do not support his position.
- It is absolutely imperative that I refer to President Obama as the “Messiah” because Rush Limbaugh who claims to have the powers of a messiah,” All-Knowing, All-Sensing, All-Everything Maha Rushie” told me to.
- Lastly, whatever is done or not done, I must take the opposite position to President Obama and the Congressional Democrats. Even when things are done that I previously agreed with, I must put up opposition at every turn.
The previous list consist of only a few requirements that an individual must submit to if he/she wants to be a good conservative. What are your thoughts? I guess I could never be a good conservative if these things remain as requirements or are expected of me.